I'm happy I can say that I've gone through it - the happy and the sad times and still want to do it again. I have a newfound appreciation for all things that I want out of (and want to achieve in) my next attempt. People often say it's overrated when they haven't experienced it yet. If you can succeed at marriage you have reached a human horizon that the entire world seems to be failing to achieve. The arts of communication, sexual intrigue, compromise and fulfillment will all be in your portfolio to show off to the world. Not to mention the emotional connection that you have to one another if you have gotten married for the right reasons. Nothing in this world compares to that. Everyone who says otherwise either did it for the wrong reasons or prematurely. Marriage (and failed marriage especially) makes you note your shortcomings and own up to them. My next mate has got some high criteria to live up to. The yoke will be equal, without a doubt.
You make very good points TT. Many people just don't know how to have a successfull marriage. The ones that I see failing are the ones who get married with unrealistic expectations or simply getting married for the wrong reasons. People don't talk anymore. They simply want to find someone to marry and just hope that it works. I hope that this is a forum for people to share experiences, both good and bad to teach others how to make a marriage work.
I always thought that marriage was the goal that every person was trying to achieve. And out of marriage comes children if you so desire. The main focus should be on your spouse but in todays society how many of us can say that our spouse is number one? Not many I would think. I think we all get lost in the daily grind whatever that may be. Be it the kids, your job, your friends, getting the next latest and greatest gadget, raising kids, etc... I think the article brings up some good points and should make you think of why you are married, getting, married, or even desire marriage. If only we lived in a perfect world....
Kristin I hear ya. I was talking to one of my friends last week and he said, "Which should be harder, running the race or lifting the trophy?" I didn't get it at first but when he explained it, it made a lot of sense. Dating is running the race and it should be hard but once you get to the end and lift the trophy which is getting the spouse, it should be smooth sailing. Emphasis on "should be". We all recognize that marriage isn't easy but if you take the time to put the effort into dating, then marriage should be easy.
I don't think either are easy...relationships always take work. It doesnt matter how long you have know the person, or how long you have been married. To be in a relationship is to "relate", it's like a verb. You have to communicate, to empathize, to love (also a verb), to cherish, to honor, to assist, to anticipate, to COMPROMISE. But it is absolutely worth it to have a partner, someone who is your best friend, and your family. I came from a conglomeration of divorces and vowed that when I got married, i would do everything in my power to make it work. There have been very hard times, but the man I married is a good, honest, hardworking man who loves his family. And I am so lucky. Also, all of the annoying habits that he has when we met...he still has all of them. Don't get blinded by infatuation, or expect to change someone. But I have to say, the best advice I ever got was when our marriage counselor asked me "would you rather be right? or would you rather be happy?". I am a bit of a nag. It helped. ;)
When asked about me I would hope that my friends would say that I'm sweet, generous, caring, funny, fun to be with, smart, confident, and stunningly beautiful! :o)
I'm happy I can say that I've gone through it - the happy and the sad times and still want to do it again. I have a newfound appreciation for all things that I want out of (and want to achieve in) my next attempt.
ReplyDeletePeople often say it's overrated when they haven't experienced it yet. If you can succeed at marriage you have reached a human horizon that the entire world seems to be failing to achieve. The arts of communication, sexual intrigue, compromise and fulfillment will all be in your portfolio to show off to the world. Not to mention the emotional connection that you have to one another if you have gotten married for the right reasons. Nothing in this world compares to that. Everyone who says otherwise either did it for the wrong reasons or prematurely.
Marriage (and failed marriage especially) makes you note your shortcomings and own up to them. My next mate has got some high criteria to live up to. The yoke will be equal, without a doubt.
You make very good points TT. Many people just don't know how to have a successfull marriage. The ones that I see failing are the ones who get married with unrealistic expectations or simply getting married for the wrong reasons. People don't talk anymore. They simply want to find someone to marry and just hope that it works. I hope that this is a forum for people to share experiences, both good and bad to teach others how to make a marriage work.
ReplyDeleteI always thought that marriage was the goal that every person was trying to achieve. And out of marriage comes children if you so desire. The main focus should be on your spouse but in todays society how many of us can say that our spouse is number one? Not many I would think. I think we all get lost in the daily grind whatever that may be. Be it the kids, your job, your friends, getting the next latest and greatest gadget, raising kids, etc... I think the article brings up some good points and should make you think of why you are married, getting, married, or even desire marriage. If only we lived in a perfect world....
ReplyDeleteKristin I hear ya. I was talking to one of my friends last week and he said, "Which should be harder, running the race or lifting the trophy?" I didn't get it at first but when he explained it, it made a lot of sense. Dating is running the race and it should be hard but once you get to the end and lift the trophy which is getting the spouse, it should be smooth sailing. Emphasis on "should be". We all recognize that marriage isn't easy but if you take the time to put the effort into dating, then marriage should be easy.
ReplyDeleteI don't think either are easy...relationships always take work. It doesnt matter how long you have know the person, or how long you have been married. To be in a relationship is to "relate", it's like a verb. You have to communicate, to empathize, to love (also a verb), to cherish, to honor, to assist, to anticipate, to COMPROMISE. But it is absolutely worth it to have a partner, someone who is your best friend, and your family. I came from a conglomeration of divorces and vowed that when I got married, i would do everything in my power to make it work. There have been very hard times, but the man I married is a good, honest, hardworking man who loves his family. And I am so lucky. Also, all of the annoying habits that he has when we met...he still has all of them. Don't get blinded by infatuation, or expect to change someone.
ReplyDeleteBut I have to say, the best advice I ever got was when our marriage counselor asked me "would you rather be right? or would you rather be happy?".
I am a bit of a nag. It helped. ;)